just when i thought my life will get better this month, another shit happened...
sighs...
after work, i stayed back a while to have small talks with my colleagues about iris online. they convinced me that since i am only at level 2 human mage, i shall delete my character and create a warlock instead.
ok. out of topic. anywaysss...
i went down to withdraw some money and went to the toilet. went to clear off some debts, and then i realised my vision is blur. and then oni i realised, my specs...
i went back to the toilet to check. not there anymore. i asked the cleaner if she seen any specs in the cubicle. "takda, takda. saya baru masuk." which is bullshit bcos i saw her b4 i entered the cubicle, and she was still there when i left the toilet. i was too devastated to fight back at that point of time. and the way she answered me, now i think back, i really feel like slapping her and throw her into the toilet bowl. mcb.
so i was blind for the next 1 hour of my life.
but i got no choice. i dont have a spare specs in my car, no contact lens. and i think it is stupid to purposely buy contact lens cos i have the whole box at home.
so... i drove back blindly.
those who drove along bangsar towards mont kiara yesterday experienced some bloody idiot driving like a blind fuck. i guess that would be me.
after having massive headache from driving like a blind bitch in the dark, i reached home and locked myself in the room and... i broke down.
seriously, this month i would have just nice to use, not worrying about not enough. and that is also have to spend damn bloody wisely on food and parking, excluding shopping. and now i lost my specs, which obviously i need to get a new one to replace it. ya, sure. it can be claimed under my company's benefits but where do i find the money to pay 1st and then only claim?
i cried like a mad fuck in the room until my aunt and grandma came in to console me.
and now i am having goldfish eyes, feeling damn sleepy with contact lens on.
a lil emo post for today. its been a while since i last put up an emo post on this blog. life is not perfect. where got people always happy happy wan? bull...
well, ok la. not that emo. just something i wanna reflect myself on wtf is wrong with me these days until i rammed through a huge ass hole and punctured my tyre. =.=
after all the shitty rships i've been through, i somehow learnt how not to expect anything from it anymore to avoid disappointment. when i dont expect something, i stop giving. and the question is, how to keep it alive then if i am not giving? rship is not about 1 person. its 2... in fact sometimes the whole village. but when minus the village, it is about 2 person. so, it is impossible to only have 1 person pumping in efforts and the other not doing anything.
sometimes i tried to pull myself back. being reserve a lil. but seemed like nothing is right. cos if i pull myself back, meaning lesser effort pumped in. lesser effort meaning rship wont work out. like i said above, it takes 2... but then when i throw myself in 101% in a rship, its all the insecurity and fear feeling that i dont like about...
1, fear of being cheated
- well, for obvious reasons. who likes getting cheated on? even simple lie oso 'mm song' d la. still have yet to learn how to counter this. i always get insecure. sighs...
2, fear of not putting enough effort
- one of my ex always say that i dun put much effort in the rship and ended up arguing almost everyday. so, to avoid arguments, i try putting more effort everyday and when i had enough and broke up, den she listed allllll the things and did for her. =.= . i guess this will continue on cos i really dont like arguing. who does?
3, fear of not enough patience
- me and my hot temper. 'nuff said. but then again, i learnt to toned down when i was being a shadow back then. but still, the fear is there so sometimes i tend to 'tahan' until i... hehe... *zip*
4, fear of not enough time
- being in a service industry is hectic. wat more, im working in a 24/7 operating call center with rotating shifts. i received gazillions missed calls and sms from my ex. argue about not enough time for her. the end. *doot doot doot doot doot*
so whenever i see my shift cant meet the time to spend more time with my other half, i'll try to put more effort to make it up to her. and when i try to put more effort, it will go back to point #2...
5, fear of being OVER imaginative
- i was, however an art student. so imaginations tend to run... a little wild. i wish my imaginations would run as wild in my sense of creativity instead. but no... it decided to run wild to create my own nightmare. i would start imagining wat would happen if this... if that... all sort of stories/fairytales/nightmare would come up. especially when my calls and sms werent returned.
well, over the time, i learnt to bury them and told myself, as long as they return calls/sms meaning they're safe. :)
so far i only can think of all these. but above all these always lead me to one ending... running away. i dont know how to cope, i'll run. it sometimes did cross my mind, "what about the effort and time that was spent in this?". but it didnt really affect me previously. i'll still run. i know i cant be running away forever. but what are the limits? what is the limit to reach so that i wont run away regreting? im tired of all these fears, i am also tired of running (cos im fat? ok. lame. sorry). so, what's next?
i guess this would be my most un-happening xmas ever!
on 24th after my shift, i rushed down to bkt jalil to join TI's final OTT of 2010. boy, the jam in MV was sickening! it took me about 45mins to get out from MV city area!
S@I wanted to drag me to sunway for the countdown. along with ColdBlooded but i was too lazy to follow. was tired and kinda sleepy. and plus, i got other plans later on at nite.
after the OTT, which ended about 12am+. officially entered xmas day... :P
was being shuu'ed back home 1st cos something urgent came up. but i was too tired, i dozed off until he called. the bed and the air-cond was then being abandoned by me and i went out again at about 3am.
after few rounds of games which ended at about hrmm... 5am? or was it 6am? headed back to my area for dim sum. my eyes can hardly open alre. =.=
and to my surprise, after dim sum, he turned in to another cyber cafe for more games. which i understand... it's xmas. it's public holiday. and plus... something's bothering him. continue gaming. which i didnt regret cos i finally got my hands on iris online!
colleagues have been bugging me to play iris online by gpotato. all the cyber cafes i went to only have iris by funmily. which is in chinese ver. even the cyber cafe that we went to this morning. but i downloaded the game on the spot, which to my surprise... it only took approx 1 hour to complete. ^^ damn cute! but still damn blur la me. :(
the sky turned bright and it was about 10am alre. he sent me home to sleep. and he went back home as well...
and guess what? i woke up at 3 and i went out again. :P
went hunting for gt wing with joel around sunway and puchong area. nil result. =.=
anson just got back from malacca and its been a long time since i last meet up with him so we decided to have dinner at EJ's place in bandar puteri. damn long never see her d~ after sitting there for some time chit chatting... we left and i was being sent home to get my car so that i can go to work...
yup...
work...
midnight shift... ^^
slept from 10am till 3pm and now i am at work until tmrw 8am... syok-ness... ^^
* * *
random update:-
my akina-chan is back! friday, i requested my aunt to take my car with her so that she can send to the tyre shop near her office. and tyre cannot be fixed and needed to replace a new one. i couldnt stand driving 70kmh on highway to work so i ended up driving my aunt's car to work and left my vava with her since she only travel by car nearby. i was thinking to skip the replacing and do it next week. when i called my aunt at nite to check if the shop is open on xmas day itself. she said no cos it is PH for them too but why wanna go back to the shop? i said to change tyre lor. and i got surprised when she told me she alre asked them to replace it and it is my xmas pressie... taayyaarrr... :P
and now, i can drive like mad cow again. no more 70kmh on highways yo! (mmg tak tau mati... :P)
[Chorus - Hayley Williams] Can we pretend that airplanes In the night sky Are like shooting stars I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now) Can we pretend that airplanes In the night sky Are like shooting stars I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)
(Dreamin’, I’m fallin, Dreamin’, I’m fallin)
[B.o.B - Verse 1] Lets pretend like its 98, like I’m eating lunch off of Styrofoam treys Trying to be the next rapper coming out the A Hoping for a record deal, to re-know my pain Now lets pretend like I’m on the stage And when my beat drops everybody goes insane (Ok) And everybody know my name (B.o.B) And everywhere I go people wanna hear me sang Oh yea and I just dropped my new album On the first week I did 500 thousand Gold in the spring and diamond in the fall And then a world tour just to top it all off And lets pretend like they call me the greatest Selling out arenas with big ass stages And everybody loved me and no one ever hated Lets try to use imagination
[Chorus - Hayley Williams] Can we pretend that airplanes In the night sky Are like shooting stars I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now) Can we pretend that airplanes In the night sky Are like shooting stars I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)
[B.o.B - Verse 2] Ok, let’s pretend like this never happened Like I never had dreams of being a rapper Like I didn’t write raps in all of my classes Like I never used to runaway into the blackness Now lets pretend like it was all-good Like I didn’t live starring in a notebook Like I did the things I probably knew I should But I didn’t have neighbours that’s why they call it hood Now lets pretend like I aint got a name Before they ever called me B.o.B or a.k.a Bobby Ray I’m talking back before the mixtapes Before the videos and the deals and the fame Before they ever once compared me to Andre Before I ever got Myspace Before they ever noticed my face So let’s just pretend and make wishes out of airplanes
[Chorus - Hayley Williams] Can we pretend that airplanes In the night sky Are like shooting stars I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now) Can we pretend that airplanes In the night sky Are like shooting stars I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)
(And it seems like yesterday it was just a dream, just memories)
[Eminem - Verse 3] Let’s Pretend Marshall Mathers never picked up a pen Let’s pretend things would’ve been no different Pretend people procrastinated had no motivation Pretend he just made excuses that was so paper thin they could blow away wit the wind Marshall you never gone make it, makes no sense to play the game it ain’t no way that’ll you win Pretend he just stand out side all day and play with his friends Pretend he even had a friend to say was his friend And it wasn’t time to move in school no changing again He wasn’t socially awakard and just strange as a kid He had a father and his mother wasn’t crazy as sh-t And he never dreamed he can ripped stadiums he just lazy as shit F-ck a talent show in the gymnasium bitch You won’t amount to sh-t quit day dreaming kid You need to get ya cranium check you thinking like an alien It just ain’t realistic Now pretend they ain’t just make him angry with this sh-t And there was no one he could even aim when he’s pissed with And his alarm went off to wake him but he did’nt make it to the rap Olympics Left to his plane and he missed it He’s gonna have a hard time explaining to Haley and Laney these food stamps and WIC shit Cause he never risked sh-t he hoped and he wished it But it didn’t fall in his lap so he ain’t even hear it he pretends that
[Chorus - Hayley Williams] Can we pretend that airplanes In the night sky Are like shooting stars I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now) Can we pretend that airplanes In the night sky Are like shooting stars I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)
From how i see it, not much of achievements. Which suddenly made me felt that, such a failure. And by reading all my post from January 2010, my life is in such a mess!
2011, a better year? Hopefully. I probably should pray hard that it will not be more screwed up than 2010...
On the first page of our story The future seemed so bright And this thing turned out so evil I don’t know why I’m still surprised Even angels have their wicked schemes And you take that to new extremes But you’ll always be my hero Even though you lost your mind
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry But that’s alright because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie I love the way you lie
Now this gravel in our voices Glass is shattered from the fight In this tug of war You’ll always win Even when I’m right Cause you feed me fables from your hand With violent words and empty threats And it’s sick that all these battles Are what keeps me satisfied
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry But that’s alright because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie Ohhh, I love the way you lie
So maybe I’m a masochist I try to run but I don’t wanna ever leave Til the walls are goin’ up in smoke with all our memories
[Eminem] This morning, you wake, a sunray hits your face smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction hush baby, speak softly, tell me I’ll be sorry that you pushed me into the coffee table last night so I can push you off me try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me run out the room and I’ll follow you like a lost puppy baby, without you, I’m nothing, I’m so lost, hug me then tell me how ugly I am, but that you’ll always love me then after that, shove me, in the aftermath of the destructive path that we’re on, two psychopaths but we know that no matter how many knives we put in each other’s backs that we’ll have each other’s backs, ’cause we’re that lucky together, we move mountains, let’s not make mountains out of molehills, you hit me twice, yeah, but who’s countin’ I may have hit you three times, I’m startin’ to lose count but together, we’ll live forever, we found the youth fountain our love is crazy, we’re nuts, but I refused counselin’ this house is too huge, if you move out I’ll burn all two thousand square feet of it to the ground, ain’t shit you can do about it with you I’m in my f–kin’ mind, without you, I’m out it
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry But that’s alright because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie Ohhh, I love the way you lie I love the way you lie
[Avant - Verse 1] Baby, I know when we started out There were things you didn't know But, baby girl, we got a lotta things we need to discuss I know I'm asking for a lot, but just trust
You say that things getting old Sneakin' round creepin' and love on the low But, baby girl, I can't wait till' it's officially us I can't wait to let them know about us
[Nicole] First I thought that I could take you, boy, but I don't know You told me you were gonna leave her for me long ago [Avant] Eventually I will but I just gotta take it slow Don't wanna break her heart, although I gotta let her go So baby ..
[Avant - Chorus] So please don't say you wanna give up How do I tell her that I'm falling in love And I know you're waiting patiently for that day When we no longer have to lie about us When I'm with her all I want is your touch And when you call me I don't wanna hang up And I know I say it often but I can't wait Till we no longer have to lie about us
[Avant - Verse 2] Baby I know situation don't seem fair to us both But baby girl, she's an issue that I'm 'bout to adjust Don't mistake the love we make for just lust You are my soul, mind, body, spirit all that I know
But, baby girl I can't wait till' it's officially us I can't Wait to tell the world about us
[Nicole] First I thought that I could take you, boy, but I don't know You told me you were gonna leave her for me long ago [Avant] Eventually I will but I just gotta take it slow Don't wanna break her heart, although I gotta let her go So baby ..
[Avant - Chorus] So please don't say you wanna give up (please don't say) How do I tell her that I'm falling in love (ooohhh oohh) And I know you're waiting patiently for that day When we no longer have to lie about us (no longer have to lie)
When I'm with her all I want is your touch (ooohhh oohh) And when you call me I don't wanna hang up (baby you don't) And I know I said it often but I can't wait Till' we no longer have to lie about us
[Avant - Bridge] Baby won't you wait just a little bit just a little bit just a little bit longer, longer (oohh) Just a little bit just a little bit just a little bit longer longer (won't you wait) just a little bit Just a little bit just a little bit longer longer just a little bit just a little bit just a little bit longer longer
[Avant - Chorus 2x] Baby, so please don't say you wanna give up How do I tell her that I'm falling in love (how do I tell my baby) And I know you're waiting patiently for that day When we no longer have to lie about us (no longer have to lie about us)
When I'm with her, all I want is your touch And when you call me I don't wanna hang up (ooohh oohh oo) And I know I said it often but I can't wait Till' we no longer have to lie about us (no longer have to lie)
So please don't say you wanna give up (don't say) How do I tell her that I'm falling in love (how do I tell my baby) And I know you're waiting patiently for that day When we no longer have to lie about us (whoa ooooo)
When I'm with her all I want is your touch And when you call me I don't wanna hang up And I know I say it often but I can't wait Till' we no longer have to lie about us
[Avant & Nicole - Bridge] Baby won't you wait just a little bit just a little bit (baby) just a little bit longer (baby ohh oohhh), longer Just a little bit just a little bit, just a little bit, (baby I'mma wait for you) longer, longer just a little bit, just a little bit, (I'm waiting just a little bit longer) just a little bit, longer, longer (will you wait) Just a little bit, just a little bit, just a little bit, longer.
[Avant - End Fading Away] Just a little bit Just a little bit Just a little bit Just a little bit Just a little bit Just a little bit
was sending someone back and i had a lot running in my mind at that time. and before i knew it...
*BANG*
and then... noise of air flowing out...
fren : your tyre punture d...
my mind... : fark...
dah la i damn emo when i was driving with all the rubbish travelling in my mind, now additional headache... grrr...
pull over at the nearest petrol kiosk, got down the car to check. the one at the front passenger side... great. and i thought it was the one behind. cos the one behind bengkak d wan...
sighs...
took the spare tyre and all the stuffs out from the boot and he started helping me replace the tyre with the spare one. and then he drove instead knowing i am too damn fucking emo to drive d and he took his car, then escort me back pulak. =.=
and today, to my horror... my steering starts jerking when i am only at 70kmh! 70kmh on highways?? better kill me lor!
hehe... yea. cherating - again. ^^
my previous trips on day1, day2 and day3 was fabulous!
and i really cant help it. auntie ruby and the resort and the clean beach is addictive!
we were suppose to leave at 12am but den something happened so we left at about 5am. then another thing happened which everyone is blaming on my vava's 15" rims... which i couldnt be bothered cos i still love my 15" rims! naninanibubu~ :P
we reached cherating at about 9am (or was it 10am?) we woke auntie ruby up, whom slept at only at 5am. *oops*... auntie ruby brought us to the yummylicious har meen! it is damnnnn yummy! ^^
after makan-ing, auntie ruby this time dun allow us to check-in early. a lesson to be learnt it seems, do not go before check-in time! so we went hai peng and hang around until 11am+.
the check-in time was suppose to be 2pm. but den, seeing us all tired, especially the driver who havent been sleeping for the pass 24 hours. =.= auntie ruby allowed us to check-in at 12pm.
and the snoring begins until dinner time.
we went to this restaurant named... duyung i think. or something duyung. the food was so so only. the green curry chicken, ss15 sawadee is much better.
after the so-so dinner, we headed to paka again! which the driver kena conned by big cow. haha... after looking at the chimneys, we headed back to the resort.
had some vodka and some shit happened. :( *but den ok alre la. hehe...*
the next day morning, went for the breakfast and went to the beach. and i only had like... 3 hours of sleep. did i mention the beach is very clean? ahh~ freaking love the beach! after that went back to shower and auntie ruby wanted to bring us to have wan tan meen for lunch, but den sold out. it was THAT good until it is all sold out. *sobs* so she brought us to ayam goreng instead. it was GOOOOOOD! but the weather was a bit of a potong stim part. cos it was really hot! sighs...
someone's slipper rosak d, so we went slipper hunting after lunch. went back to the resort after that and continue sleeping. :P
woke up for dinner! auntie ruby suggested to have dinner in the resort instead. all cooked by aminah. it was so yummy! especially the fish! but damn a lot of mosquito! until now still itchy lorh. but still, the dinner was awesome.
the next day, went back to KL by passing by kuantan and bought some junk food back. ^^
if u have noticed, there are no pictures from this trip. well, i did snap some. but just too lazy to edit it. :P
its only 1st day of my leave, and i am already rotting the shit out of me! T.T
woke up at about 3pm for a 4pm appointment with my colleague. getting a spoiler for his viva. ^^
while i was stuck in the stupid jam at the sunway toll, i called up EJ to see if she is free to join us and go for a drink. unfortunately, she works till 4.30pm and transport is only available at 5.30pm for her to go home... at the same time, she informed me that the shop that im heading to changed boss alre. so the price is more expensive now... and she was right!! the price difference is sooo huge! when i get it there it was rm160, plus color and installation. the one my colleague is getting is diff design, but with brake light, rm290. fark... and i asked the same design with mine, he said rm200++... @.@
but den, i saw something attractive tho... mohawk sound system. tweeter, amp, mid and woofer + installation = rm1300... :P
kill me nao...
after he paid the deposit, we headed to old klang road for bak kut teh. the one under the bridge... not bad not bad. will only blog abt it next time cos i didnt take any pictures.
then my colleague went home, and i headed to subang parade. nope. not for car wash this time cos it was raining heavily. God decided to give me free car wash. =.=
went to get some stuffs for the vacation.
YES! u read it right! vacationnnnnnn!! well, not different location tho cos i really love this place. if u know me well, u shud guessed it right. ngeks.
i was being booked earlier by jessi a week back cos she insisted to celebrate bday with me. i dont like clubbing and get wasted so we made plans for supper instead.
she pm'ed me ystd noon to discuss on what to do. i was craving for teo chew porridge and decided to head to Old Klang Road, the usual teo chew porridge shop we always go to. she was luring me to some other choices of food but i didnt bother, still wan my teo chew porridge!!! :P
right after my shift is done, headed to the OKR's BHP to meet up with Joel then towards the makan place.
ahhh~ i havent been touching the teochew porridge there for soooo long! 1st sip is like heaven! especially the pork. ahhh~~ ^^
after supper, we were deciding where to go. i wanted to go for night view. but dunno where to. :(
so we decided for beers instead in setapak. hehe...
jessi dapau'ed for her cousin cos she is sick. left her car at her apartment. then back to my place to leave my car, then all of us hopped in joel's car.
played a few rounds of card games, finished 2 buckets, i even shed a few tears...
i guess what people said is true. when u r upset, u're easily drunk.
fark...
at the end of the night, i was tipsy. just the way i like it. luckily i got a designated driver, joel. :P
sent jessi back, and i got home. slept soundly and late for work. :X
==============================
- Thanks Jessi and Joel for the night and watching me cry. *sobs*
- Thanks Sam aka Charlie for calling me 5 mins b4 12am only to notice that it is not even 12am yet. then text me again when it is exactly 12am. :P
- Thanks sktan for the cute mms.
- Thanks to u for running up and down resulting not getting anything. Effort counts and I appreciate it. c:
- Thanks to u for the sweet luncheon meat. :D
- and thanks to all these people in facebook for your wishes~
(Verse 1 - Tommy C) Never should've let you go Never found myself at home Ever since that day that you walked Right out the door
You were like my beating heart That I, I can't control Even though we've grown apart My brain cant seem to let you go
Thinking back to the old times When you kept me up late at night We use to mess around Laugh and play, fuss and fight
(Pre-Chorus) I guess its too late, I'm dancing this dance alone This chapters done, the story goes on
(Chorus) Baby Can't believe that you are not with me 'Cause you should be my lady All I want is to set your heart free
But if you believe that you belong with him Promise me, you wont let anyone hurt you Remember, I will always be here for you Even if it kills me to see you
In that wedding dress, dress Oh see you in that wedding dress, dress See you in that wedding dress, dress Oh see you in that wedding dress, oh no
(Verse 2) Snappin out this misery Depression this aint me But I always turn around 180 degrees
You got control of me And I, I cant explain Somebody call 911 Emergency Before I go insane
Since you've moved on You took a piece of me, give it back So much pain in my chest Blacking out, heart attack
(Pre-Chorus) I guess its too late, Im dancing this dance alone It's too late
(Chorus) Baby Can't believe that you are not with me 'Cause you should be my lady All I want is to set your heart free
But if you believe that you belong with him Promise me, you wont let anyone hurt you Remember, I will always be here for you Even if it kills me to see you
In that wedding dress, dress Oh see you in that wedding dress, dress See you in that wedding dress, dress Oh see you in that wedding dress, oh no
(Verse 3 - J.Reyez) And I see you with your man and it's hard to understand If we belong, if I did you wrong, where we even began We would always fuss and fight and it seems nothing was right But I loved you girl and you were my world but you'd never trust this guy 'Cause the things I do when I'm on the stage, they say I'm a superstar You couldn't understand all the female fans and then we grew apart And I just don't get when you're acting like some other person But I try my best to hold on at the times when it ain't working And everytime that you say it's over it breaks my heart and I don't know why 'Cause you've done it a lot of times in the past but I get back up and try You said we could work it out, how could you hurt me now And you moved on to the next, I'm left with an imperfect smile
But if you believe that you belong with him Promise me, you wont let anyone hurt you Remember, I will always be here for you Even if it kills me to see you
In that wedding dress, dress Oh see you in that wedding dress, dress See you in that wedding dress, dress Oh see you in that wedding dress, oh no
Lately I've been hard to reach I've been too long on my own Everybody has their private world Where they can be alone
Are you calling me? Are you trying to get through? Are you reaching out for me? I'm reaching out for you
I'm just so fucking depressed I just can't seem to get out this slump If I could just get over this hump But I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps Fell down and I got right back up But I need that spark to get psyched back up And in order for me to pick the mic back up
I don't know how or why or when I ended up this position I'm in I'm starting to feel dissin' again So I decided just to pick this pen
Up and try to make an attempt to vent But I just can't admit Or come to grips with the fact that I may be done with rap I need a new outlet
And I know some shit's so hard to swallow But I can't just sit back and wallow In my own sorrow but I know one fact I'll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow I'll be one tough act to follow Here today, gone tomorrow But you'd have to walk a thousand miles
In my shoes, just to see What it's like, to be me I'll be you, let's trade shoes Just to see what it'd be like
To feel your pain, you feel mine Go inside each others' minds Just to see what we'd find Look at shit through each others' eyes
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful They can all get fucked, just stay true to you So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful They can all get fucked, just stay true to you
I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor Everything's so tense and gloom I almost feel like I gotta check The temperature of the room
Just as soon as I walk in, it's like all eyes on me And so I try to avoid any eye contact 'Cause if I do that then it opens the door For conversation, like I want that
I'm not looking for extra attention I just wanna be just like you Blend in with the rest of the room Maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don't need no fucking man servant Trying to follow me around and wipe my ass Laugh at every single joke I crack And half of 'em ain't even funny like
Ha! Marshall you're so funny man You should be a comedian, god damn!" Unfortunately I am I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down Listen to the tale I'm about to tell Hell, we don't gotta trade our shoes And you ain't gotta walk no thousand miles
In my shoes, just to see What it's like, to be me I'll be you, let's trade shoes Just to see what it'd be like
To feel your pain, you feel mine Go inside each others minds Just to see what we'd find Look at shit through each others eyes
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful They can all get fucked, just stay true to you So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful They can all get fucked, just stay true to you
Nobody asked for life to deal us With these bullshit hands we're dealt We gotta take these cards ourselves And flip 'em, don't expect no help
Now I could've either just sat on my ass And pissed and moaned Or take this situation in which I'm placed in And get up and get my own
I was never the type of kid To wait by the door and pack his bags I sat on the porch and hoped and prayed For a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit in Every single place, every school I went I dreamed of being that cool kid Even if it meant acting stupid
And Edna always told me Keep making that face and it'll get stuck like that Meanwhile I'm just standing there Holding my tongue tryna talk like that
'Til I stuck my tongue on that frozen stop sign pole At 8 years old I learned my lesson then 'Cause I wasn't trying to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story Not just based on my description 'Cause where you see it, from where you're sittin It's probably 110% different
I guess we would have to walk a mile In each others shoes at least What size you wear? I wear 10's Let's see if you can fit your feet
In my shoes, just to see What it's like, to be me I'll be you, let's trade shoes Just to see what it'd be like
To feel your pain, you feel mine Go inside each others minds Just to see what we'd find Look at shit through each others eyes
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful They can all get fucked just stay true to you So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful They can all get fucked just stay true to you
So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful They can all get fucked just stay true to you So
Lately I've been hard to reach I've been too long on my own Everybody has their private world Where they can be alone
Are you calling me? Are you trying to get through? Are you reaching out for me? I'm reaching out for you
Yeah, to my babies Stay strong, daddy will be home soon
And to the rest of the world God gave you shoes to fit you So put 'em on and wear 'em Be yourself man, be proud of who you are Even if it sounds corny Don't ever let anyone tell you you ain't beautiful
... no. not a bitching post. im talking about myself.
apparently i havent been blogging properly. and when i read back the previous post i feel like im blogging like a bimbo. =.=
sighs...
the thing is, my life now sort of messed up. thats why i have been blogging at my private blog. a lot.
paiseh...
living away from my original home, sucks. i mean... i love having my own room and all. but the rental part and the expenses. sighs.
to make things worst, midvalley parking rates has increased and now minimum, i have to pay rm10 per day just for parking. and that rm10 is when u leave office on the dot. u stay longer? u pay more. no more max per day kinda shit. and it used to be only rm6 max per day.
screw u midvalley. as if your parking fees are not expensive enough.
to make things even worst... my car insurance will due on january.
argh! and for the 1st time in my blog. FML... *yay! FML debuts in lilmsthong bloggie*...
srsly. this is what i really call 'fuck my life'. not just by going shopping too much and realise they are broke and say 'FML'. or realise late payment for the credit card bill den 'FML' again.
ok. i said this is not a bitching post. sowee...
my youngest uncle passed away. i dun have much memory of him bcos, he's a drug addict. and my family sort of disowned him... i know i used to stay with him when i was little. and thats it. everything is a blur.
the only thing i remember was, there is this one time when he is released from the rehab, my dad offered him a place to stay and a job at my dad's company. after few months, he went missing. along with home appliances and watever he can sell for money. for more drugs i guess...
when i got a call from my aunt informing me about my late uncle, i wasnt surprised. cos my aunt already got the feeling that he is gone.
i did not ask wat exactly happened. but i over heard the "grown-up"'s conversation.
he was being arrested again, for the dunno how many times. he was on his way to the lock-up. and his system suddenly just gave up and stopped.
my grandma has yet to know about this. i dont know if they are planning to tell her or not. but if its me. i wont tell. she is old. too old to handle the grieve. but for some reason, i got the feeling she will feel something that is not right. afterall, he is her son... youngest son.
rest in peace dearest uncle. for the addiction has haunt u for years. and now, u r relieved from it.
i got a thing for night views. especially where u are at high places and when u looked far beyond u see tiny lights.
whenever he fetches me passing by on one of the highways, w/o fail, i'll definitely look out looking at the lights. mesmerized.
the other day, someone brought me to a place where u can see that view. it is somewhere in puchong. i think i remember how to go. but need to try my stupid direction idiot luck again. :P
it was... beautiful.
i forgot what happened until i ended up there. but it was the usual, "i am bored, i dun feel like going home" and den ended up go rounding.
too bad i only have normal digital camera. photos are all edited of cos. adjusting the brightness and contrast. really have to be there to see it yourself.
or i think it's just me being mesmerized by lights... =.=
*swooonsss*
pic taken at anson's place. i forgot what was he fixing d. i think he was installing the tweeter for me. ngeks. and again... thanks cheng mun for giving away the tweeter to me... alikato~ ^^
ok la. i know this is damn random. but, do u know what im trying to show? hehe~
loooook~ look how the bling blingssss... its like seeing multiple rainbows!
speaking of which. the other day, joel and i was at anson's place. joel needed to re-install and re-tune the audio. den joel told me to look up, got rainbow!
i was already damn happy to see rainbow so i ran to my bag and took my camera snapping away...
but the thing is...
its not just one rainbow...
its...
TWO!!! double rainbow!!! can see can see?
damn happy lorh! 1st time seeing double rainbow~ ^^
i have been updating my private blog until i neglected this blog. :( really difficult to handle 2 things at a time. just like relationships...
to make it up to my blog, i decided to blog about food! and it is a rreeeeaaaalllyyy back dated one. hehe...
about a month ago, me and my colleagues planned to have drinks. and before the drinking session starts, me and my TL went to look for food 1st.
refusing to walk far from the drinking place. we settled for
Harajuku Rice
they dont only serve rice of cos. they have noodle as well. we sat outside cos we need to smoke.
the environment was not bad. but the waitresses... i dont understand what they talking about. :(
samson's lime juice. friggin' sour-ish!
my sugar cane green tea. damn yummy~
pork mayo ramen. not bad not bad...
samson's i-dont-know-what... too long ago d. cant remember what is it called. =.=
samson's i-dont-know-what again... :P yup. samson is that hungry until he ate 2 portion...
i think this is not bad. but not worth it. :(
overall, the experience is not bad. just that i didnt understand what the waitresses was saying, and obviously, they dont know what me and samson is saying oso. communication break down.
food wise is not bad. but its just normal to me. nothing to 'wow!' about.
can u imagine? my shift starts at 7.30am. i arrived office at 9am.
i took the usual route. which usually i will end up reaching early, refusing to get into the parking cos the parking fee is a killer now.
i was about to reach the road hitting mont kiara, there's a lorry overturned blocking the road. so, need to u-turn to get out of that road. and it was a disaster. 1 hour gone on the small road. then, went jln kuching... another hectic jam... stress...
first of all, happy deepavali to everyone who is celebrating it. and happy holidays to those who is not celebrating it... *duh*...
and im working on this public holiday... :( *think moneyyyy. kachingg!*
went to sleep at about 11pm cos need to work on the deadly morning shift. *dreads*
then i heard lotsa fireworks noise. lots of it. i woke up and look out the window from my room. i was amazed. i can view 5 spots of different places of fireworks. some small ones, and some big near ones. i ran to the living room and opened the window to have better view. and at that point, i wish i have a balcony.
the view is fantastic, and the only down part is... im watching it all alone.
in fact, i cant even remember when was the last time i watched fireworks. i think it was in genting about 2 yrs back for new year eve.
the most memorable one was merdeka eve during high school days. a bunch of us went sunway lagoon for count down. splashing water, throwing each other in the pool, soaking ourselves in the wave pool and finally, sitting at the wave pool looking straight up at the fireworks. it was so near, it felt like it will drop at your face.
been updating private blog and this blog is having spider webs...
there will be 2 events this weekend... 1st is auto premium 2010 at i-city shah alam which is on the saturday (30 Oct), starts at 2pm. and the next is Halloween, at Segi College Kota Damansara on 31st Oct starts at 7pm(ithink).
finally im back to day shift. ahhh~ i miss my colleagues!!!
once i reached my desk, i was swarmed by a few of my colleagues giving me a warm welcome back to day shift. lol...
the sucky part was, today (and tmrw) is jusco member day. super jammed up lor. T.T
i reach MV area at 12pm. damn happy... den i headed to zone A. closed. fine. tried my luck at zone H and G. closed oso. the only zone that was opened is zone U and premier. which is in gardens. =.= i tot i can reach office early, mana tau... late. tmrw need to leave hse earlier! (and i havent sleep. hahahahaha!)
one of the thing i love working day shift is, there are things to do so time will pass by very quickly. no time to think other stuffs oso. ^^
once my shift ended, left office headed to anson's place cos he showed me direction to a few places. which i think im still kinda blur, stupid direction idiot. but ok la. i guess i can remember geh... i think... =.= after showing me the places, then we hang out at the mamak a while. until at one point, i went to the toilet to puke. sighs. why la i never drink alcohol oso puke lehhhh? =.= i was too hungry. by the time i puke finish d. i got no appetite to eat d.
from cheras, 140kmh back to my place. showered. checked forum (sleeping pill as per what kent said), facebook a bit.
sorry sorry. i cant help it but to post about Team Impact so frequent. but hey... its a new life im having to avoid me thinking so much nonsense ok? :P
i have chosen a TI number for myself. 2 numbers same as my reg number. altho i wish to take only number 7, but i guess it is for committee only. T.T
Ta Da~~
from rear mirror... ^^
i know my car is pretty dirty, but i cannot help it. :P
i need to wash my car tmrw tho. hrm...
WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO MY CAR!?
wait for my next post... ngek ngek ngek...
p/s :- ok la. after this weekend's event, i promise i'll blog something else la. gomenehhh~
sleeping at 6am and woke up at 11am is not a farnee thing. dem difficult to wake up. wat more, slept with alcohol from lela's pre bday nite still running in my blood...
but... i die die oso wanna wake up. cos i wanna go see GRA!!!
woke up at 11am cos i was suppose to wake joel up at 11.30am. den he suppose to pick me up at 12pm cos i was actually lazy to drive. buttttt... he ffk'ed. he had a long nite previously with massive alcohol as well i believe. so, when i called him a few times... when he finally picked up, he said he is still pei-ing... lol. sokay. i let him go. and he really rested the whole day. =.=
so fine, initial plan is canceled. i still wanna go so grabbed my keys. and bag. and myself. to my car, then went to sunway's mcd to meet the Team Impact guys up. already there was anson, xyren, akira and paige. then followed by crazzy, patrick and jim.
those who turned up for GRA.
convoyed all the way to mardi, serdang. parked our car and the poison begins.
cars queueing up...
car in action...
not much picture from GRA tho. it was really hot that day, at the end paige got sun burnt on her shoulder. the guys looked like they've on alcohol marathon cos their faces can lawan with tomato. me got no issues, just dark a bit oni. :P
after GRA, we headed to South City for a drink. VP then joined us. the committees had a few discussion and i was asked to join in for this weekend's event.
TI members...
went for a few rounds of pool and had a good time laughing at them kacau-ing each other.
they decided to have dinner at fish farm. which later on joan and kent joined us.
some of us left our cars at anson's hse which later on only i know why. the road is really bumpy and dark. =.=
the bumpy dark road is worth it cos the food is good.
the after math...
all too hungry. and the 1st dish being aimed and kena sapu finish was the fried egg with onion... :P
the price is not bad as well. its about rm23 per pax. and we got like, i think 11 of us?
that's not just all... after dinner, we still went to mcd and laugh some more.
we called in an end at about 1am.
overall i enjoy hanging out with them. can never stop laughing around them. thanks guys for the wonderful day and night. :)
started off from saturday after working as usual, went to do my banking errands, then met up with my aunt for breakfast in carrefour. bought some stuffs for the new place. rack and a bucket so that i can do some washing. but so smart, i actually forgot to buy detergent. lol...
after all that shopping, headed back to subang home to pack more stuffs over. then, i went off 1st cos i need to do some cleaning before grandma come over to spot check. =.= LDP was like hell cos there's an accident at KDU. i oni saw 1 van tho. no other cars in sight that causes the accident... and that van, 1 tayar fell off d.
after that, all the way smooth back to the apt.
done the cleaning, i went to get some sleep b4 the night. ^^
it was lela's pre bday celebration at mist club bangsar.
slept all the way until i was actually late for dinner. they planned to meet up at 8pm for dinner, and i woke up at 7.50pm. :P
dilly dally until 9:30pm oni i left home. hehe... met them up in bangsar's mango mania for dinner. i alre got yvonne to order for me while i was driving in the middle of the damn heavy rain. i sometimes love heavy rain cos everyone will be slow, and i can slot between cars. hate the rain cos when i park the car and when i get down, i will get myself all drenched with rain... even with umbrella... damn it.
stuffed myself with food, which is a must cos i thought i will be drinking like mad. we arrived at mist club at about 11pm. we sat upstairs, and we started drinking~
mervin, yvonne, me, samson, lela, nicholas
mervin, yvonne, me, samson, nicholas, jason
there's 7 of us that nite. all colleagues. ^^ 2 and half bottles of black label, 5 bottles of beers... we drank and drank and nicholas even ordered lambo.
since it is lela's bday, how can i not flood this post with her pictures? hehe...
Mervin & Lela
Me & Lela
Lela & Yvonne... dunno wtf lela is doing. dont ask... =.=
Lela & Samson... dunno why so serious... just because he is our Team Leader, need to so serious ah? lol...
Lela & Nicholas... the only one who was still sober at the end of the night. Yvonne dont count cos she never drink liquor.
Lela & Jason... latest addition in Enterprise family.
lastly, a picture of me and mervin. lol... to be honest, this is my 1st time so daring take this kinda pict... dunno why suddenly so daring oso... *blush* probably i was a little kek sam that night so i went a little all out... bwahhh~
the crowd
after all that, lela, yvonne and mervin went home 1st. samson went back earlier due to unknown reason. while me, nicholas and jason went to the mamak at midvalley to sober up. and jason definitely need that cos he cant even sit straight! after some teh-o-ais limau and maggi sup, we dragged jason up to our office to rest. but jason... sighs... he's really stubborn!!! he still wanna drive home. so, i volunteered to follow at the back of his car back... and i really wanna kill him. alre drunk still wanna fly car so fast. when i asked him, he say biasa liao. *faints*
by the time i reached home is already about 5am. slept cos GRA is next. ngeks... ;)
overall, i had fun on saturday nite. almost wanted to say no for the night cos i was in pain. once in a month type of pain. 1st day of pain some more... =.= but heck care, pain killer does the magic and went crazy for the night. hehe~
p/s:- pictures all stolen from lela's fb. yvonne, im gonna steal yours next. faster upload!!!
recently i've been seeing tooooo many accident involves motorcyclists... and from wat i see... it is the motorcyclist's fault...
1st incident
when i was in around segambut at the kampung area. the traffic light was green and i was at before the cross box cos the road in front is still congested. so when the traffic light turned red, being a good girl, i stayed put where i am at... the 1st car, myvi on the left start to turn and... BAM... they hit a bike, with 2 malay guys on it. and of cos it is the bike's fault la. our light is red ma. who ask that fella be super hero fly straight?! luckily the myvi didnt drive fast, if not, the motorcyclists confirm crushed!
2nd and 3rd incident is about the same.
it was raining. not that heavy la. nicely can see the bikes playing slide. the 2nd incident is 2 malay girls on it. they were riding nicely and suddenly they just fell and slided. no. no car hit them cos it was bloody jammed up at ldp. they just fell.
and the 3rd incident is 1 malay guy... also same thing. he just fell and slided. his ass was rubbing against the floor sliding. its alre raining... u need to bring the bike so fast or not?
4th... which is today... which is yours truly's turn. my turn.
i finished my midnite shift and had a short breakfast with my colleague. so of cos i headed back to subang. the usual turning i take is always the turning in directly to ss19. not the carrefour exit.
as i was turning left, sticking to my damn lane turning in to subang. the bike hit me behind. well... not exactly behind. it was at the left side of the car at the back seat's door. it was a fucking turning, and that rider wanting to go straight. the impact was quite bad till i almost lost control on the wheel. when i manage to control and stick to my own lane, i looked at the left side mirror. 2 malay guys fell from the bike tergolek on the road. it was a turning. there is nowhere for me to stop. and moreover, im the only one in the car. i dun think i dare to get down the car oso...
luckily, im ok.
when i found a place for me to stop and check on my car, my heart sank.
the scratch is so damn deep. but fine... its ok. can just get it fixed and repaint the whole damn door. which i've checked the price. rm200++...
but even my rim is scratched. so fucking deep and obvious some more... sighs...
initially... my rm200 is for my knight rider... now... have to wait next month jor~ T.T im even thinking to put my tattoo on hold... sighs...
